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Monday, March 15, 2004
You're Bosnia-Herzegovina!
You've just been through a big tragedy. You weren't sure you were going to make it at all. Now that you have, there's a lot to pick back up in your life, and not enough people are helping you. You just wanted a little more freedom, a chance to be away from those who thought poorly of you. Now it's time to build up some confidence, and it looks like you have a good chance at that. But you'll need a lot of therapy
woah, accuurate to some extent. still cant believe what happened last night.
i think it might be due to a couple of reasons.
1. its a result of holding back for too long...questioning whats going on, wondering whether its my fault, thinking of defences for you, doubting the reality of it all....till friday's event. that gave me a rude and unpleasant shock.
2. p-m-s. might be one of the rare times i'm experiencing the emotional shit that pms causes.
3. denial. denying that things have turn out this way. denying that u've turned cold.
4. realising finally that things have soured. you're no longer there. in place is some sort of jerk.
when the dried-up plains
were suddenly nourished with the much-awaited rain
puddles of water gathered
and the tiny plants felt a new lese of life
Posted at 12:28 am by deepdarkchocs
Saturday, March 13, 2004
u said i seemed bz and u din want to interrupt
what sorta lame excuse r u trying to use to cover up for your insensitiveness?
a goodbye will not cause an interruption.
who r u trying to convince?
its a lame excuse for a real hurt.
Posted at 12:52 am by deepdarkchocs
more than 7 hrs have passed since the pain u caused me
yet it hasn't subsided.
why you did it i do not understand.
it's now stuck in my head.
and even though i am trying to find out why, the ignorance remains.
its very hurtful.
but what can i do?
when i can't even find out why. Posted at 12:12 am by deepdarkchocs
Friday, March 12, 2004
even though i made a silent resolution to free my mind of you
which i am trying to do, and i think i have been mostly successfully,
i suddenly realise that its not easy.
u have left. and in my mind you are almost gone.
but part of u remains, and i suddenly feel very sad
u left without saying goodbye,
and i din like the way i felt.
im contradicting myself. which is ultimately causing me pain.
nope i dont think i love pain. i just can't get myself out.
im trying so hard to let go, yet while im doing so slowly and surely, i feel sad letting go.
its like i want you gone, yet i want you to stay. Posted at 06:24 pm by deepdarkchocs
now yr right here. not right within reach but near enough.
i have always imagined how it would be, how i would feel....
now yr right at the table beside mine.
i see u but i try not to look over.
its anti-climactic.
i dunno why i tried to not look over and smile.
what am i trying to prove? to myself? to u?
i'm not really sure, but it seems like i don't really bother now.
i know i haven't really gotten over u, but its going away.
maybe it's a good thing
Posted at 05:27 pm by deepdarkchocs
Thursday, March 11, 2004
presentation & technical glitches
damn. laptop wasn't supported by the seminar pc. wth. and the usual break that she normally gives before a pres was used for a grp discussion, that wasn't even presented??? W-H-Y??? idiot.
think we took more than 5 min setting up the damn thing. i hate screw-ups like that. to think that we prepared it since wk 8. the hol wk. all my efforts doing the thing down the drain. well, not all, but since it couldn't be shown on the big screen, the effect just wasn't the same.....*sob*
but thank goodness we managed to remain calm and redeem ourselves. val was great. i could have been more calm, if my mind wasn't on the screw-up. but the panel still commended us. yay!
and in like 12 hrs time, its biz law (ie hell) time. another pres. this time we're so unprepared. 2 days to discuss, write a 3000+ report, and coming up with the presentation. i must say we're impressive. hoho
sigh, but i dun seem to be getting rid of the free-rider issue this term either. hate them. loathe them. i just wish they could wake up and start breathing or sth. i hope our pres won't be screwed cos of a free-rider problem.
shall see how it goes.....be back after the (dreaded) pres.
anyway, yr still so busy (and tired) to talk. fine. Posted at 01:24 am by deepdarkchocs
Sunday, March 07, 2004
when is ignorance NOT bliss
the word "ignorance" seems to come from the word "ignore".
in this case it doesn't mean oblivion. it means neglect, abandonent.
so if that is the case, it is obviously not blissful at all.
like last night, i actually said it - "do not waste your time on people who don't give a shit about you."
anyway i heard this song on the radio:
I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper.
I think I'd better leave right now
I'm feeling weaker and weaker.
it's easier said then done. Posted at 05:16 pm by deepdarkchocs
thoughts for the day (yesterday)
many thoughts ran through my mind yesterday while i was out...
-B-Law Test: i'm not gonna do well for it. out of 4 qns i answered 2.1?! sigh what can i say...
-Calculus: mal made my day by telling me i scored 20/25! wow thats like a real surprise for me. top 5% some more...heheh maybe i don't suck at maths that bad after all...
-CT: i love my prof. such an interesting character. he intrigues me... its a pity we won't be having anymore classes with him...
-covering up: i had a revelation. sb i know whom i find attractive, actually uses all that make-up to cover up her not-so-perfect skin. whoah the wonders of foundation. she looks like a babe with the make-up, but without it, i think it might shock many. it looks like some sort of rash or eczema...
-relationships: they often screw up one's mind and warps one's ability to think properly and realistically. getting suicidal over sb else might not sound as stupid as i used to think.
-indiscreet men: disgusting animals. they have zero tact. the i-am-staring-in-your-face-at-close-distance-without-giving-you-any-room-for-privacy. please, there are some people around with consciousness and sense of self. get a life. go geylang/ do drugs/ drink and smoke yourselves dead. whatever. just get rid of yourselves.
-singaporeans: that brings me to my next point: unhelpful singaporeans , who are too afraid to do anything that don't matter to them.
-the forgotten: saw 2 diff people stading alone, looking lost and unaware of anything. not sure if they were mentally sound, but they seemed forgotten by the rest of the people rushing by them. and then when i was in the bus, the woman beside me was wiping her face so much i think she was crying. that made me sad, knowing that sometimes we feel so lost and forgotten by the people around us that we are so helpless, and can't seem to control our grief.
-is it me? i seem to be inviting many stares at certain places. i'm not sure is it me, or them? anything wrong with me???
-lost: the desktop pc couldn't locate the local user profile. WHAT?! whatever happened man. now all the docs, pictures, and webistes are all gone. SHIT.
Posted at 05:12 pm by deepdarkchocs
Friday, March 05, 2004
a few complaints i need to get off my chest:
1. what the hell is wrong with this blog server???
for a few wks alrdy, i can't see the icons, graphics and the buttons!!!
it can't be my comp, cos everything else is working fine as usual!
2. Tests
i think i have come to the point where i dread picking up the text to study.
reading for class is fine. it makes me feel prepared.
but studying for the sake of studying, for the sake of a test/exam, for the sake of getting a good grade, for the sake of getting a good GPA, is becoming crap to me.
i dont know, but im really quite sick of studying for the sake of getting a stupid little laminated piece of paper, that is supposedly used to judge u and yr abilities. its nonsense.
3. neglect
even if one is so caught up with work, one should still try not to be so cold towards ppl who care for oneself. especially when that person tries to chat one up, asking for one's physical and mental well-being, pls do not shut that person up by building oneself a wall, and hiding inside it.
4. the darkness that looms ahead
the coming week will be the busiest of the term. 3 tests, 2 presentations, 2 assignments, 2 reports to edit, all within 2 saturdays. how fantastic. even though i will come out of it alive, i just dread gng thru it all.
Posted at 06:21 pm by deepdarkchocs
Sunday, February 29, 2004
catching up with old friends
2 days ago, on fri, i met up with jacq and alicia. it was quite nice. even though it was only for 2hrs, we had a nice time talking abt the other ppl from sec sch, ourselves, and most imptly, alicia's exciting relationship!
really strange how things can turn out. alicia going out with the younger bro of the guy she had a crush on! plus her beau was oneof the most talked-about guys in our level. haha the blur queen and mr high-profile. im really happy for her. he's a great guy. and she seems really happy.
even though we're not as chummy as before, we're still comfortable around each other. and i can see this friendship lasting for a longer time. we've changed slightly, yes. but we still bother meeting up even if its for a short while. they are the kind of friends that wouldn't abandon you once their surrounding environments alter. Posted at 08:01 pm by deepdarkchocs
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