ok, an entry in weeks!

This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider.

Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.

It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine.

You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you.

With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Curiosity, there is much more to who you are at your core.

reflecting back on the last few days, i've been thinking of the ppl i've met since day 1 of uni.

its not like sth just dawned upon me, or that i just gained enlightenment abt this, but rather it feels quite sad knowing some things (ppl) aren't exactly the way u want them to work out.

if the ppl u hang out with and attend all/most classes with, sit with, eat with, do projs with, chat with, go toilet with, and whatever-u-do-in-sch with r not supposed to be yr good friends, then what r they?
if they go somewhere, do sth and yr in the dark, who r they to u? or who r u to these ppl u hang out with in sch?

on the contrary, some ppl u think are yr aquaintances gladly and sweetly invite u to do stuff with them, and this sets u thinking...who can i call my friends?
no, not that im so dying to be accepted. no way. thats just not me. never have i tried to get accepted by anyone, or want to. im so cold on the outside sometimes i wanna slap myself and i know i deserve the vice-versa treatment i sometimes get in return. i dun open up easily. and i accept that. i even like that. im me. who cares what sb else thinks. i do not live my life according to other ppls' expectations.

however, i thought: what then builds friendships? time is certainly not a factor. some ppl u know for an hr can be sb u enjoy being with, yet sb u've known for yrs can still be a distant acquiantance. but then again, if u spend so much time together, surely sth will develop btwn ppl? its either love, hate, respect, disgust etc.

but if u can't describe the relationship btwn u and some ppl, what is it btwn u guys?

a b+ for ct??? man i was expecting better.....
hmmm

anyway which prof gives u yr grade, tells u what time u can review it (with him), but dun tell u where. worse, he has never disclosed where his office is!!!

weirdo wizard.

ok. shock, accompanied with a little relief. im experiencing a mixture of feelings right now.

happy that i scored an a- in as. [not my fav subj, but it has my fav prof of the term! and i got an a- to give it a plesant closure.]

dunno what to feel for b-law. i had screwed my mid-term, so even though i had gotten a+ for my pres (which many secretly wonder why and probably hate me for it) it wasn't enough to pull my grades back up. i thot i wouldnt do badly in my exam, and i probably didnt, guess it was the participation thing and the test. just glad that i managed to stay within the B band.

that crazy woman finally upgraded me to a b- after the moderation with other profs. thank god they did that, the witch wouldnt give any of us any better grades than those she first published if not for the across-thelevel moderation. i know my grp and myself din do that badly at all!

calculus. shock shock horror horror. a d+?!??!! and i was in the top 5 % for the test. did i screw my exam??? even if i did, i dun feel guilty at all. the paper was waayyyy too hard. it was unreasonable, to say the least. but i was thinking of a B at the very least!!! NOT a d?! unbelievable....i might jus go see him on wed. sth i have never (and have never seen the pt in doing so) done.

mixed feelings. gratitude or relief? pleasure or accomplishment? shock or disappointment?
all of these.

sigh.

not again. and i thought i was over it. i thought i was cool abt it. it had appeared that the waves that came crashing down had finally subsided... a new calm took over. but NO. i was obviously wrong.

maybe im bored. maybe im hopeless. maybe im allowing myself to be this emotional again becos i know its hard to get over with. i have come to terms with the whole issue. its just that the pain of not knowing why it happened is too much to bear. and i think it might not go away for awhile. i might suppress it. i might ignore it. but i know it'll resurface time after time.

exams are over! i thought a few papers were not too unreasonable, but i dun think i would do as well as i can/hope to. blame it on myself. anyway cal was wayyyyyyyyy hard. crazy man. crazy but mild.
anyway term's over. good and bad...

had fondue last night.....good, but not as great as i expected. but good experience nevertheless. finally

ok that was one (not too difficult) paper. i think it was quite reasonable....tricky but not hair-pulling sorta sensation. hurhur. inability to use logic for logical reasoning...

opps. forgot to record my attempts at studying yesterday afternoon...
managed to cover agency (sth not v impt). in like 3 hrs. WHAT?! 3 preeeecciouuussssss hours spent on one chapter that doesnt seem as impt as the others. sigh. so much reading. so much thinking. so much understanding to do.

yep so i studied till 8pm. tho i had like an hr break (!!) in btwn talking to jul.

and today i did vitiating factors (I) and (II). v incredible for a person like me. but then again, im so pressed for time (and motivation) that I HAVE to do this much. and yet its still not enough. many many MANY more chps to go!!!

as my new-found friend says: jia you!

ct pres over. that marks the end of all proj and classes of this term. (well, excluding the 1 or 2 more CT classes after the exam).

yay!! we did quite well for ct...video was funny. we went all out and did a fashion show...
thank goodness all the effort, time, and stress paid off. and even though there were times when tempers were on the brink of heating things up, exhaustion and stress making us irritable, we managed to emerge unharmed. our friendship that is. the 2 gals are really quite easy to work with. so at least we leave this term feeling pleased with our work (as and ct) and buidling ties with one another.